5.11.2013

first year funnies

you know how people say your first year of marriage is the hardest? i agree, but i also think it's a lot more awesome than hard. it's full of changes, new discoveries, bliss, and a few tears. just because you're adjusting to this new way of life doesn't mean you can't have some freaking great times.

in fact, you need those freaking great times.

because those are what keep you going through the hard times. a year ago, i started compiling all of the ridiculous "hard things" scotty and i experienced during our first year of marriage with the intentions of posting them on our one-year anniversary. when the time came, some of these were still sore subjects... it was too soon to post. but hey, time heals all wounds and now i think they're all hilarious! today we have been married for a year and a half. so in celebration and for your comedic pleasure, here are some of mine and scotty's first year trials. enjoy.
-the first night we were married and settled into our apartment with stocked cabinets, scotty said, "so what are you going to make for dinner?" i didn't know. he asked, "how about we just make some rice and cook up two chicken breasts?" i then realized that i didn't know how to prepare rice. a basic skill that every 5 year old in china knows how to do. and i didn't. and i cried.

-on the second morning of our honeymoon, scotty woke up to the sound of me sobbing in bed. i was crying so hard. he didn't know if he did something wrong or if i was regretting our marriage or what. the poor guy had no idea what was going on! a few minutes later, i woke up from a dream of my mom dying... my pet turtle named mom.

-i fell for a freaking radio scam. i called in thinking i was paying $40 for a $300 gas card... but really i paid to learn not to trust anyone. and to talk to my financial advisor (scotty) before making any purchases.

-scotty didn't give me flowers (or anything at all) on our first valentines day. coworkers and friends, i lied to you to save myself the embarrassment. but i can assure you this will never happen again. we both learned very valuable lessons that night. 
-i was doing laundry one day and i went to the laundry room to pick up our dry clothes... someone had stolen our laundry basket. jerks.

-scotty was complaining about a stain on one of his older-than-old t-shirts, so i put my finger in one of the many holes and ripped the shirt in half.  i later found out that this was the first "class of '07" shirt he ever bought in high school and it was special to him.

-i went into the bathroom and found water on the ground.  "scotty! dry off after you take a shower!!!" i complained. "i haven't even taken a shower today!" ... "really...?" scotty came in and examined the floor.  we both agreed that it was, indeed, wet. we looked up. water was dripping from our ceiling. but wait, the story gets better! we called maintenance and within a few minutes the guy was in our apartment inspecting everything. a light bulb clicked in his head, and he went to talk to the people who live above us. long story short, the lazy people above us were using paper towels in place of toilet paper because they were all out. im sure your imagination can make the connection between my idiotic neighbors and my leaky ceiling.
-once, one of us thought it would be funny to switch the placement of our almost-identical toothbrushes. it was not. 

-scotty signed us up to feed the missionaries, didn't tell me, and wasn't home when they came. my conversation with them when they showed up at the door was pretty awkward. 

-i put one of scotty's nice wool sweaters in the dryer... it went from size xl to xxxxs in a matter of minutes.

-for days and days i nagged scotty about putting away the cords to the TV, because he always left them out in the middle of the living room in order for the antenna to get better reception. after a heated discussion, i threatened him one last time (like the mean wife that i am) and gave up. the next day, he tripped over the cords and broke a piece off of our TV that is irreplaceable.

-once i had loaded the dishwasher almost full- i thought i would wait to start it because surely i could stick just a few more things in there- and i left for work. i came home later that day and my sweet husband had seen the full dishwasher and unloaded it.
-one morning, we both woke up to sharp pains from me head-butting scotty in my sleep.

-a different morning, scotty filled a bowl with cereal and about 1/3 cup of milk. there wasn't enough in the jug so he just left the bowl there to get soggy and went to work. what a lovely surprise to come home to :)

-speaking of milk, one of the hardest difficulties to overcome in a marriage is buying the right milk. do i buy a whole gallon and have the last little bit go sour? or do i buy a 1/2 gallon and use it up too fast? all i need is a 3/4 jug! someone get on that.
look at us now. so much wiser, happier, and chubbier. the first year was great, but the second has been even better. we work so well together and we really understand each other. i'm so lucky to be married to my scotty!

2 comments:

  1. this is the best post ever! i have been cracking up the whole time. i love you guys!

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  2. I love slow cookers, but even more I LOVE Pressure Cookers! Probably because I have no patience what so ever lolll. Great recipe! 🙂 Pickup Lines Google Gravity Tricks I love you quotes Good Night Quotes

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