dear haters.

Dear haters, judgers, and doubters,

Hello! I know we talk every day, but I just wanted to write you this quick letter to tell all of you (and believe me, there are plenty!) how I feel. I’d like to start off with a big thanks! I think it’s great that you care so much about me and my love life. I appreciate your concerns and advice. As most of you know, I am engaged. I could tell from the disgusted look you gave me when you saw my ring that you disapproved. It wasn’t hard to tell exactly what was going through your mind when you asked, “wait… how old are you?” or “aren’t you a little young?” Oh! I’m sorry… did I miss some sort of rule? Because as far as I’m concerned, the state of Nevada said I was eligible for marriage at age 16! Seeing as how I turned 20 last year, we can cross that problem off the list. But wait- you know someone who got married young and it turned out horrible? Yeah, I know couples like that too. However, I also know of couples that got married in their later years and ended up in a mess. And on the flip side, I know couples that were married right out of high school and are still going strong! So perhaps the outcome depends on variables other than age.

Listen, I know divorce rates are high. But does that mean that nobody in the country should get married because other marriages aren’t working out? Have a little faith. What ever happened to finding your true love and growing old together? Sitting on the porch swing watching your grandchildren? I’ve waited 19 years to feel this way about a guy, and I’ve finally got it! There is nobody in the world that I’d rather spend every day of my life with. He’s all I think about and it breaks my heart saying goodbye to him every night. I’m in love! Scotty is the best thing that’s ever happened to me, so it just doesn’t register in my brain why you would want me to postpone marrying him. Waiting until November already seems like torture! Will it make a difference if I marry him in 6 months or in 2 years? If anything, we’d be ahead of the game if we got married sooner.

Wait… you just reminded me that I haven’t lived my life to the fullest. While a lot of my single girl friends may be out studying abroad, going on cruises, or other fun single activities, I’d trade all of those for Scotty. You’re saying I should go to a foreign country and have random adventures, and then it’s okay for me to get married? I say you should go to that foreign country and stay there.

Oh yeah, you tell me this one a lot too: marriage is hard. Well, duh. I can’t imagine being cut off from your parents, living with a member of the opposite sex for the first time, sharing a bathroom, joining a bank account, and being dirt poor is a picnic. I'm not taking this decision lightly, and I don't know why you think I would. I've thought long and hard about what getting married means. I want you to know that I'm not just a silly little girl getting married because I'm caught up in the excitement. I know there will be hard times when we can barely pay our apartment rent, when we want to punch each other in the face, when we have a filthy house and no food, and when I want to run back to my mom crying. Here’s the thing: if I could change one thing about Scotty… I wouldn’t. Back when I was 14, I started a list that has been added to for the past 6 years of what I want in a husband. Boyfriend after boyfriend, nobody matched up to the list until last year when I met my handsome husband-to-be. So if I’m going to be suffering through hard times, there is no one (NO ONE) I’d rather be with than my sweet fiancée who makes me laugh and brings me happiness. I would rather have a husband to help me through all these grown up problems than be on my own.

So whether you think I’m too young, too immature, too naïve, or too financially unstable, it doesn’t matter. We’re getting married. You can put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Yours truly,

The future Ashley Marx


  1. this is awesome. you learn to not let it bug you...because it honestly doesn't stop once you're married. you sound like you have a lot more vocal haters though. stupid people. they are just jealous of how in love you guys are.

  2. You go girl! Seriously I am 100% behind you on this. Marriage and your future family is the entire point of your life! why wait?
    Emily (your also engaged-and-very-happy-to-be-there cousin)

  3. I went through a phase where I thought it was all wrong that I had my family so young - I should have spaced them out and been 'older' more 'mature' then I could have handled/juggled it all better and been a better mother. Then my best friend's sister got married at 30, and had her kids in the same space of time I did. And then at that much-more-mature-age-for-having-children, she struggled and complained and had the same insecurities I did 13 years before. Then I realized I had done everything just right for me. And it worked out fine. The End.

  4. Good for you. I remember those same haters when I was engaged/newly married. I think you are going to do great and am so happy for the two of you.

  5. Hey Ashley. If it's right, it's right. Only you and Scotty will know for sure. Marriage is not meant to be easy - it's meant to teach us to grow - and it does.
    President Monson: "Choose your love; love your choice". You can't go wrong with advice like that. Love ya! Aunt Annette

  6. You tell 'em girl! This is exactly everything I was told when I was getting married. And what's even worse is that people were judging me because we had only dated for 3 months before we got engaged and 5 before we got married. {I know...I even think I'm crazy too.} But when you know you know right? Why wait for months and months just to please everyone else? I can't stand when random people think they know what's best for you and your situation. Okay, I'll stop ranting now. You just got me feeling everything I felt when I was engaged. Haha

    I think you and Scotty will be the happiest/cutest/funnest married couple ever. {Besides me and nicky of course} :)I'm so happy for you. :)

  7. hahah, i love everyones comments on here!!
    i cant relate to this like everyone else but, i knew from the second you started dating scotty you two would get married. youre perfect for eachother. :) i love you.

  8. A lot of people told me I hadn't "lived my life yet," when I got engaged too. But who cares about the parties, the vacations, etc..Being married and coming home to Justin makes me the happiest girl in the world. Then they say the first year is the hardest..blah blah blah..I still don't know what they're talking about and I've been married for 3 1/2 years. I truly believe a marriage can withstand any trial if both husband and wife have a righteous desire and they keep the commandments. Marriage gets better and better everyday! I'm still on my honeymoon! :) So don't let the negativity Nellys get to you! Congratulations! I'm so happy for you!

  9. AMEN! People gave me crap, and still do about getting married young, or getting married in general! hahahah I used to get so mad about it! Now I think it's hilarious the way people think. Redonculousssss!! Anyway, you look SOO happy!!! Your about to have the best time of your life! well, in november:)

  10. you forgot to mention the "real" reason why you are getting married...and that is because you want to be a little more like me. and that my friend...is always okay...even at age 20. :)