a bittersweet graduation feeling

all throughout this beautiful and gloomy april week, i couldn't help but reflect on the experiences i've had at BYU. my time at this incredible university is quickly coming to an end, and i just can't wrap my head around it. my sadness doesn't make sense - i spent my entire sophomore year dragging myself to my classes and joking about dropping out! but now that the end is in sight (i'll be done with classes in july), i'm getting a little separation anxiety. i don't want to leave! i don't want to not be a BYU student. 
i've been at BYU since fall 2009. i know this place. i know every building, every pathway. i know how to get a parking spot after 9:00 AM and i know the best places to study in the library. i tried every on-campus restaurant and cafe multiple times, and i learned (through trial and error) which candy at the bookstore candy counter is best. i memorized the hours and limitations of every parking lot and i could sing the fight song in my sleep. i know the safe bathrooms and which ones to avoid. i have worked three different positions at BYU: a residence assistant, an employment services rep, and student assistant to the vp of human resources. BYU is practically my home. 
academically, BYU and i have had quite the journey together. i grew so much as a student and as a learner. i experienced the lowest of lows and the highest of highs. i'll never forget walking out of the testing center with tears streaming down my face because i scored a 28% on a psychology exam. i remember thinking my first book of mormon midterm would be so easy. i remember being a prideful freshman, not feeling the slightest need to attend a biology review session. over the years, i learned what it takes to be a successful student at BYU and the amount of work i need to do to earn good grades. i will forever cherish the one time (count it - ONE time) i walked out of the testing center and saw "great job!" next to my score.
i love the people here. i made new friendships that will last forever, and i was reunited with old friends and family members. i had countless lunch dates and special reunions. i took classes from professors who completely changed my outlook on life, and who have given me advice i can't wait to use. my teachers helped strengthen my testimony and taught me amazing things about the church. granted, there are a small handful of professors whom i hope die a slow, painful death. but everyone else has been such great examples to me. i met president samuelson. i saw the prophet here (twice). BYU is full of amazing, talented people.
even the random strangers here have been blessings in my life. like on the first day of school sophomore year when i fell outside of the JSB. i was trapped inside a huge crowd of people with my knee bleeding and some rotc guy helped me up. or one time i was hiding outside of heleman halls sobbing because a boy had done something mean to me, and a random girl came up to me and asked me if i was okay and gave me a hug. i'm sure both of these people have long since forgotten our encounters, but their charity has left a lasting impression on me. it's hard to find gems such as those in today's world. 
so yeah, i'm sad to be leaving. i'm excited to keep progressing and to become a real teacher, but i will miss these college days. i'll miss telling people "i go to BYU." i'll miss the chocolate milk and the dark chocolate salted caramels. i'll miss my inspiring professors and peers. i am so so so thankful i had the opportunity to come here to learn and grow. with 4 months left, you better believe i'm treasuring every moment. 


  1. aw this made me sad.... i really will miss byu

  2. wow those pictures are SO pretty! graduation is a tough adjustment!! and i miss utah all the time!! it's so fun to move forward though, good luck!

  3. I just randomly read this again, as I'm feeling nostalgic today, and I feel the exact same way!