a better place.

the last time i talked to my grandma was the 17th, a little over week ago. 

unusual for us, the conversation only lasted a little over four minutes. 

i used to call her sometimes on my 40-minute commute and we would talk the entire time. 

at the end of our phone call, i was fighting back the tears in my eyes and the knots in my stomach. 

she sounded exhausted. drained. spent. empty. i hate to admit she sounded lifeless. 

"well... i just wanted to make sure you were doing okay, grandma. i love you!" 

"i love you too. bye." 

"bye!" 

i pulled over on the i-15 to cry. and cry. 

somehow, i knew that would be the last time i talked to her. 

even though she has been battling pancreatic cancer for the last 26 months, i just didn't feel ready for her passing. how is one supposed to prepare for this? i mean, it wasn't a surprise. in fact, it's incredible that she lived with the cancer for as long as she did! click here for a post in the early stages. 

she is so sweet. i am so thankful that i got to see her just a few months ago at our wedding. it meant the world to me that she was able to make it. look at her cute smile. 

i'm thankful for the lessons she taught me, the love that she showed me, and the example that she set for me. 

there are so many things that i never want to forget about her.

-her hope and positive outlook on life- even in the worst circumstances

-she had so much faith. she always told me, "if this is what the lord wants, then it's what the lord wants."

-her blue eyeshadow

-in any given story, you would hear her say the phrase, "so i says to the guy..." ha!

-she was the most thoughtful person i have ever known. i think she has sent me 6 or 7 cards within the past year. wedding, thanksgiving, christmas, birthday, just because, easter, finals. regardless of the occasion, i received a thoughtful card always signed "love, gram b"

-my dear husband's name never stuck with her. "smitty" slipped out of her mouth more than a few times :)

-she sealed my grandpa and his first wife together in the temple. she is so selfless! click here for more on temple work.

-i will always laugh when i think of her usage of periods. she had quite the obsession. every......... email........ was just like...... this.............. love her.

-i'm almost positive she taught me the song "who put the cookies in the cookie jar" when i was a child.

i will miss her. but i am so happy for her to be freed from pain and back with grandpa. 

i know she is in a better place.