my life: deaf girl edition

i think having two ear infections gets a bad rep.

i mean, SURE, i guess it would be nice to have my full hearing abilities again. i would love to know exactly when the toilet is done flushing, or hear the signal that lets me know i can cross the street. i wish i didn't have to feel bad for the people who i unknowingly ignored after they knocked on my door or rang my doorbell. and i can't believe i'm saying this... but i almost miss the crickets at night and the birds chirping in the morning. i remember the good old days when i could hear my phone ringing from the other room; yesterday i watched with a confused face as i saw someone was calling me, yet heard no ringtone at all. and you know those grooves on the other side of the lane on the freeway? they don't phase me. it's a total mind-trip to drive on them and feel the car vibrating but not hear anything at all. i would recommend it! the experience was quite thrilling. and let us not leave out one of my most traumatizing ear-infection moments: i went to class on wednesday, and watched in awe as sister woodger's mouth moved, yet i heard absolutely nothing. as far as i'm concerned, the whole room was dead silent. never in my life has school felt so useless. i think i have asked "what?" and "what did you say?" more times this week than i have spoken everything else combined. and then multiplied by 4. i feel like a mental case! it really is bizarre to go from perfect hearing to almost nothing. i wasn't expecting these problems for another 40 years! "what?" "wait- one more time." "sorry, can you say that again?" "HUH?!" the sad thing is, that even if they repeat themselves louder, 80% of the time i still can't hear. i don't know what kinds of things i have committed myself to this past week because all i've been doing is smiling and nodding. sometimes i throw in a laugh to keep myself looking lively.

all of these aside, ear infections are fun! i really have enjoyed the break from eavesdropping on crazy byu students who talk about the most ridiculous subjects. it's been nice to be in my own little world of silence. usually in my math class i have these 3 kids who sit behind me and talk the whole class period and it's so frustrating... this week was just wonderful! i could focus the entire time! all i could hear was the teacher because she had a mic. i'd have to say that my favorite is having absolutely NO sense of volume or tone, whatsoever. i honestly can't tell if i'm yelling, or using "inside voice," or whispering. they all sound about the same to me. usually i'm yelling because i cant hear my own self, so how could others hear me?? i tried to sing in my religion class- HA! it was a joke! first of all, my voice is already altered and man-like due to my coughing for the past 3 weeks... i'm sure my vocal cords are temporarily damaged. and then, there's the whole "i-cant-hear-me-sing-but-you-can-hear-me-sing" thing i have going on. so i start to sing and then i dont hear myself singing so i sing louder. talk about entertaining. and everything just sounds different! i dont know what to do with myself. i'm also nervous that my hand or mouth might get stuck in this position-

so i guess all i'm trying to say here is... pray for me.

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